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06:11pm 18/05/2007
  I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary forthe following Reasons:
1. I do physical labor.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to diseases.

Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:

1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management
4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen Visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as Wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. You will retire LONG before you are 65.
9. You are unable to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated area before you have completed the assigned task.
11. And if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering And exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely, The Management

5 reasons not to be a penis.
1. You're bald your whole life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. Your neighbors are nuts.
4. The guy behind you is an *** hole and...
5. Every time you get excited, you throw up and then faint.
08:30pm 27/04/2007
12:18pm 05/03/2007

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about self than concerned about others, more atheist than religious, more loner than dependent, more workaholic than lazy, more traditional than rebel, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more extroverted than introverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are adventurious (100%), intellectual (73%), slutty (71%), greedy (68%).

Punk Rock80%
White Trash59%
Life Experience

Your political views would best be described as Liberal, whom you agree with around 68% of the time.
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Middle Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 31% less than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated R.
By the way, your hottness rank is 64%, hotter than 90% of other test takers.

brought to you by thatsurveysite

And all I wanted was...   
05:24pm 21/11/2006
Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last Tuesday I bought porn for troff (10 points). In July I put money in altarego's expired parking meter (14 points). Last Sunday I pulled amarafox's hair (-5 points). In September I pulled over and changed lunarpenumbra's flat tire (15 points). In August I committed genocide... Sorry about that, darkendgoddess (-5000 points).

Overall, I've been naughty (-4966 points). For Christmas I deserve a moldy sandwich!


Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:
Trick or Treat   
12:51pm 06/10/2006
My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
caspy goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as ghost.
altarego tricks you! You get an eraser.
amarafox tricks you! You get an eraser.
iamdevilsangel tricks you! You get an eraser.
jeterfan tricks you! You get an eraser.
mesoterica gives you 9 mauve watermelon-flavoured wafers.
taliaphoenix tricks you! You get a block of wood.
talonvaki gives you 5 brown raspberry-flavoured gumdrops.
valkyri gives you 19 red-orange grapefruit-flavoured gummy worms.
woeful_poetess gives you 7 red cola-flavoured gumdrops.
caspy ends up with 40 pieces of candy, an eraser, an eraser, an eraser, an eraser, and a block of wood.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.
     Read 7 - Post
The things people put in wanted ads   
06:34pm 28/11/2005
  I need your old NYLON underwear (vintage or modern) to decorate my new bar & grill set to open in February 2006. (You may have seen or heard of this being done before at a famous pub in Alaska.) Garments must be in reasonable condition and please do not write on them. I offer discount coupons on food and free drink coupons in return.  
     Read 10 - Post
04:19pm 21/03/2005
  1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.

3. Going to a church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. It isn't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. (Just remember how lucky you were to get a free trip around the sun.)

14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away a couple of weeks before you need it.

20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

23. Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. If you must choose between two evils, choose the one that you've never tried before.
     Read 3 - Post
Some Irish Humour   
06:12pm 07/03/2005
  An Irishman driving down the road got pulled over by a policeman. "You're drunk," the cop said. "Thank the good Lord for that," the Irishman replied. "I thought the steering had gone."  
     Read 5 - Post
Saw an awesome t-shirt today   
12:59am 20/02/2005
  It said,

In Ontario you can marry a fag, but you can't smoke one.

     Read 5 - Post
My daily fortune...   
01:19am 19/02/2005
  You will be the center of attention.

I am always the centre of attention, I did not need them to tell me that :-)
     Read 2 - Post
Quote of the Day   
04:02pm 08/01/2005
  Life is not holding a good hand; Life is playing a poor hand well.  
     Read 2 - Post
10:17pm 22/12/2004
  I won a blow job from Valkie!!!

Let the sucking begin love!
betwwen this one and blood sports   
09:04pm 27/11/2004
rough sex is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator
Oh lover... get me out the needles. :-)   
07:45pm 27/11/2004
blood sports are love
brought to you by the isLove Generator
My fortune for today   
03:29pm 23/11/2004
  "Someone wants your body"  
     Read 2 - Post
This one is for Valkie....stole it from the hockey group   
12:59am 23/11/2004
  Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart
50 Fahrenheit (10 C)
New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
Canadians plant gardens.

40 Fahrenheit (4.4 C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably
Canadians Sunbathe.

35 Fahrenheit (1.6 C)
Italian Cars won't start
Canadians drive with the windows down

32 Fahrenheit (0 C)
Distilled water freezes
Canadian water gets thicker.

0 Fahrenheit (-17.9 C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat.
Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-40 Fahrenheit (-40 C)
Hollywood disintegrates.
Canadians rent some videos.

-60 Fahrenheit (-51 C)
Mt. St. Helen's freezes.
Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-100 Fahrenheit (-73 C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole
Canadians pull down their earflaps.

-173 Fahrenheit (-114 C)
Ethyl alcohol freezes.
Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

-459.4 Fahrenheit (-273 C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops.
Canadians start saying "cold, eh? "

-500 Fahrenheit (-295 C)
Hell freezes over.
The Leafs win the Cup
     Read 1 - Post
I want, I want, I want. ME, ME , ME   
07:44pm 16/11/2004
  I want to get a ROTTI puppy. So that Thunder has someone to play with :-)

Valkie can we have a Rotti puppy :-)
     Read 2 - Post
Congrats Valkyri   
08:45pm 14/11/2004
mood: ecstatic
I am proud to announce that Valkyri has beat me in point’s this season.
She has 9points on our Mens over 35 and 7 points on her Ladies B, Ball Hockey teams.

I ended up with 11 points on our Over 35 team and 0 points in my Mens B.

Congrats my love on a wonderful season. I owe you dinner at East Side Mario’s.:-)
For Valkie   
08:39pm 13/11/2004
  Hiya Valkie,

How does say 10pm tonight sound to you, for some mind blowing, lustful sex?

Reply by 9:30pm est.
     Read 2 - Post
11:58pm 11/11/2004
  If there is someone on your friends list who you would either like to tie down and have your way with, teasing them mercilessly and making them beg for release, or have them tie YOU down, post this exact same sentence in your journal.  
     Read 2 - Post